How to Become as In Good Shape as I Am
from the February 2005 INsite Magazine
Nobody likes to work out. I certainly don’t. So a while back I took a job at a fitness club with the intention of becoming a vigorous exerciser. I figured that by surrounding myself with highly motivated fitness professionals their passion for exercise would rub off on me—kind of like when I used to fall asleep in the library with my head on an economics textbook.
When I got hired I grabbed a copy of the gym’s in-house fitness magazine for a motivational boost. I opened up to a letter from the CEO.
“Nobody likes to work out …” it started. So much for a motivational boost. He went on to explain how great his gym is and then he dispensed a few fitness tips. There was a picture of him, he looked smarmy.
That was two years ago this March. I’m not the CEO yet but I have my own smarmy picture. I also have 24 months of fitness expertise behind me so I think now it’s time to share a little bit with all of you. Below you’ll find six pearls of fitness wisdom gained through close study of the exercising public. And with the way I study you know there’s bound to be some real insight. There might also be some drool. Well, anyway, here they are...
1. Become the king of the gym.
Exercise is painful, so without some form of positive motivation it’s nearly impossible to accomplish anything. Figure out what you’re good at and take pride in doing it better than anyone else at the gym you attend. For some people it’s running most speedily on the treadmill. For others it’s posing most accurately in yoga class. For me it’s standing most occasionally on a physio ball and simulating a downhill ski race. I’m pretty sure I’m the only guy at my gym that does that.
2. Do your laundry
One time this guy that went to my gym didn’t wash his shorts for a month and you could smell him from up the stairs. That was the worst week of my professional life.
3. Figure out why you’re working out
This may seem like an obvious one, but it’s not. Early in my tenure at the health club I realized that one reason I wasn’t working out very often was because I was still exercising as if the Pennsylvania AAAA State Soccer Championship was on the line.
These days my goals are different. To maintain my health all I need to do is work up a moderate sweat for twenty minutes and finish with some push-ups. The reason I don’t do that is because I’m busy. Which reminds me …
4. Be afraid
Fitness tip no. 1 (positive motivation) only helps once you’ve already started working out. Negative motivation makes you start working out. Find something that mortally scares you and focus on it. The fitness industry knows this better than it knows anything else.
Here are a few motivators that cause people to exercise: HEART ATTACK! FAT! WIMP! FAT! YOU’RE LAZY AND UNSUCCESSFUL! YOU’RE FAT! OSTEOPOROSIS! YOU’RE REALLY, REALLY FAT!
Of course there are many more. Pick one that’s right for you and stick with it.
5. Watch what you eat
I watched Super Size Me with my girlfriend last year and when it was over we shared a sobering moment. “Dear God,” we thought. “Is there a McDonald’s open within walking distance?”
You, however, shouldn’t eat at McDonalds. You should eat foods high in protein, low in fat, and rich in vitamins. Have you looked in a mirror lately? You’re getting FAT!
Woops. Sorry about that … force of habit. You look great.
6. Give someone else advice
Who really has the time to work out these days? In this economy? Forget about it. Rather than schlep down to the gym for an hour of exercise you can take one minute and draw up a workout plan for somebody else. I know a lot of personal trainers making a lot of money doing this.
Seriously, give this last suggestion a try. I know you’re busy. I’m busy too. But you’ll be amazed at how quickly that nagging little voice in your head urging you to work out is silenced once you mount that high horse and begin dispensing fitness tips to strangers. Simply put, when all else fails, just pass your fitness burden on to someone else.
Needless to say, I feel great.